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Where the Hell Am I? Auntie Em, Uncle Henry!
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What happened? 17 planes, 8 rental cars, 12 cities, 11 states, 13 different hotels and there are only 31 days this month! May is one big huge blur. Kind of like having way too much wine except there wasn’t much wine involved this month, just a whole lot of travel. Seeing everything from the Rocky Mountains to the “low country” of South Carolina, Toronto, Canada, Nashville (where it all began) and a whole lot more. As Johnny Cash would sing…. “I’ve been every where man, I’ve been everywhere” A screaming kid in seat 15b, a very large person next to me in 17C, delayed flights, airplane wine that doubles as toilet bowl cleaner…
During what seemed like a quasi-crash landing, the pilot thought the earth was a few hundered feet further below than it really was and we hit the runway with a horrible bang. - Oops - My Bad! Having made thousands of flights I never had a landing like that and apparently neither had the flight attendant. She had this very worried and panicked look on her face thinking perhaps the nose wheel was damaged. When we hit the runway (slammed into the runway) all the passengers gasped and from the smell a few also loaded their underwear. Since the flight attendant’s job is to keep us all calm during times like this, she picked up the 1950’s CB radio looking microphone and with her shaking, cracking reassuring voice says, …. “I guess you noticed we landed” Oh.. that’s what that was, I mentioned on my way out the door. Doesn’t the captain know objects in the mirror (including the earth) are closer than they appear? - next time read the little sticker on the mirror.
During my travels this month, I also had to drive to Toronto which was an adventure. Entering Canada was easy and they must have known I was coming because there was a welcome sign for me. A Bigger Better Angus has Arrived! How cool!
Returning to the United States was a different story. “What do you mean you were slaying corks in Toronto?” Asked the customs official at the border. That’s what I do for a living I said with a sheepish grin. (knowing I probably gave a bad answer) He just looked down at me from his omnipotent perch in his power booth scowling at me in my little rental car while I was attempting to head home. Who were you seeing there? he barked, trying to intimidate me. A fellow cork slayer that flew in from Switzerland. This time he just starred in total disbelief. He looked at my passport, looked at me, looked at my passport, looked inside the car again and finally shrugged his shoulders, grunted and motioned me on. And so goes another day of life on the road with Angus, cork slayer extraordinaire.
After the blur of May, I am safely back at Vintage Tuesday’s corporate headquarters’ (home) and it’s time to do a little catching up so off we go to see the Wine Wizard. As we approach the wizard, she said in her wizard voice “Step forward Angus and Trixie, you dare to ask for a good bottle of wine do you?” First bring me the cork screw of the wicked witch of the North. Excuse me kind wizard, there isn’t a wicked witch of the North. Only the border agent between Canada and the U.S. and the TSA took my cork screw.
I told her I have been traveling every where this month and this is really a Big Ass Place. Without skipping a beat she said “then you need a Big Ass Shiraz”. As soon as Trixie heard this, she grabbed a glass and shoved me out of the way. “I love Shiraz” she said with a big grin holding her glass out for the wizard.
The Big Ass Shiraz was a 2005 from Southern Australia and was just under $10. It had a big ass flavor as well with hints of berries, I think it was blackberry and it had some spicy taste as well. Adding this to our evening barbeque (no more travel food) and it topped off a great evening.
Auntie Em, Uncle Henry, where the hell am I?
Oh yea, there’s no place like home.
Angus