Archive for 'Bicycling'
10
Happy July 5th
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What follows is a short diddley-doo that I wrote a few years ago in honour of the American Independence Day. It’s quite a load of rubbish so enjoy.
Philodendron. Common name, Pothos. Derived from the Latin Vulgate meaning that which grows and spreads like wildfire yet can grow even in dark closets. This “devil’s ivy” has sprung up in every restaurant, every airport, every hospital, everywhere!
The obvious benefits of such a plant is well…obvious! They add a sparkle of green and yellow to the decor; they easily spread to cover a large area, and can be used to accent not only table tops, but also counters, shelves, bookcases, and in ancient times they even put them on either side of the portcullis of a castle.
But what we’re really concerned with today are the health benefits of the Pothos. As with any chlorophyll rich foliage, the Pothos is responsible for contributing to our ability to live and breathe on this planet.
Without the Pothos, oxygen would in fact be considered a rare commodity. So much so, that within years it would be so rare that it could only be found on the black market: bottled, canned, spritzed, and vacuum sealed. There would be different quality offerings of the precious O2. For those on a diet, there might be Diet-O2, but what if you want all the flavour of O2 but not all the gassy aftertaste, maybe they would offer O1.
At some point, they’ll start with the marketing gimmicks to get you to buy more at higher prices. New-O2, CherryO2, Diet CarbonFreeO2, Diet Black Cherry Vanilla O2. It will never end. All of this tragedy of events could happen were it not for the glorious Pothos.
Obviously we can’t do without this precious plant. Unfortunately they are so abundant that their relative value and cost is next to nothing. Any resident of our planet with $5 can go to their neighborhood Target/Wal-Mart/Kmart and pick up a Pothos. But imagine with me once again: if we suddenly had only a finite supply of them left, or if they only grew in one remote sector of the world, they’d become as valuable as diamonds.
You could only buy them at DeBeers Exotic Pothos Emporium, but you would have to get on a wait list and the only way to get on the wait list would be to call a special phone number at a special time and hope to not get a busy signal (sort of like voting on American Idol). Assuming you got through on the phone, and then assuming you got on the wait list you would still have to pass a rigorous Pothos Ownership Operating Process (POOP) Exam. Not only is there a written exam, but an oral exam, home inspection, and a requirement to sign a waiver allowing DeBeers to reclaim the plant in the case of neglect and allowing for periodic home re-evaluations. You’ll notice I have switched to the present perfect tense because this could actually become reality sooner than you think!
There are probably those of you out there who think “I’m safe. I already have several Pothos at my house so I don’t ever have to worry.” Unfortunately, the president, and I think we all know who that is, just passed a law allowing the military to enter any personal property and seize any live Pothos on the premises.
The law is actually so all encompassing that they can seize dead Pothos as well, or force you to search your garbage for any you may have thrown away. So as you can see, no one will be safe from the threat of Pothos extinction.
Well, except for the very very rich. Anyone making over $500,000 a year would be exempt from the new law of course. Heaven forbid we deprive the rich from their double half-caf, half-decaf O2 with a twist of lime. Besides, the middle class should just learn to be happy with the Novadollar’s O2-AuLait right? For those of you who aren’t bilingual, Au Lait means with milk. That’s French. Which means that if you traveled to France and wanted to have some O2 with Milk, you’d have to say “Au Lait” instead of “with milk” otherwise they wouldn’t understand you, because no one in France is bilingual. Be careful about using this term in other countries, such as Mexico or Spain, or they might send a bull charging after you, because Au Lait is surprisingly similar in sound to O’le!
Unfortunately, there are no Pothos in France, so I don’t know why anyone would go there anyway. Except maybe to see La Toure Eiffel, that means Eiffel Tower. But you can see pictures of it anywhere, so again I ask, what’s the point? I’d much rather go somewhere and see something that no one has ever seen or taken a picture of.
Maybe some remote cave in the middle of a vast line of underground caverns that maybe hasn’t even been discovered, and maybe contains a vast cache of Pothos growing wildly and abundantly creating so much O2 that if it ever escaped from the cave would throw off the balance of the entire global O2 market, sending O2 stocks crashing down and ensuring quality breathing air for anyone on our planet, turning billionaires and other rich folks into ordinary middle class within minutes. (reminds me of the Great Chopsticks Incident of 2004)
It could happen…
*This commentary is based on the Award Winning Best Selling Novel by the same author, and in no way supports or defames the holiday of Independence Day, because it has absolutely no content related to aforementioned holiday.
06
Labor Day weekend camping trip
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Sarah and I tried an experiment this weekend. We did a camping trip, with a twist. I rode to the campsite, and she met me there with the car. And the next day we went further, me on my bicycle and her driving. It was almost like a supported tour.
We had mixed results. I didn’t plan well enough, and we both had poor to nonexistent cell phone reception, so we had a little trouble connecting in Brownstown, IN. Also, what I intended to be a way for me to get some riding in while allowing us to spend a lot of time together became a little more complicated and bike-centric than I intended. Sarah was very patient and we had a great time together, but in the end it felt a little selfish. If we do something like this again, I’ll need to plan things out a lot better. It was also really hot, which effectively meant that by the time we got anywhere, it was too hot to want to do very much.
I plan to write about this trip in three parts:
- Riding from Bloomington to Brownstown and Jackson-Washington State Forest
- Hiking at Jackson-Washington State Forest
- Riding from Jackson-Washington State Forest to Clark State Forest and Henryville
13
Time for an update? I think so!
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Unfortunately I don’t have time for a BIG update (which I know I need to do! SO much has been going on lately! Had a wonderful birthday — definitely one of the best thanks to Mama. A $3,000 shopping spree DID NOT hurt my feelings in the least, hahah. Finally got my beloved, which I’ve named ‘Precious’. …shut up. It’s a perfectly suitable name for inanimate object. 
I’ll go into it more later, along with a bunch of other stuff that’s been going on. BUT! I’m about to leave for California (going to San Diego with Mamma! Haven’t been there since my first year of cheer camp @ USD’s La Jolla campus in…2003? It’s certainly time to go back! 
Like always, I’ll be updating my Flickr like CRAZY! Y’all know how obsessive I am about documenting every little detail about my trips and vacations, tee heez. I’m bringing the digital too, but I’ll have to wait until we get back home to upload those photos. But, like I said — be sure to check the Flickr because there’s going to be CONSTANT updates the entire time! 
Mama rented a NICE laptop (still shopping around for a new one), so I’ll have `net access in the room. I’ll try to edit this post and make a more interesting one later tonight once we get to the room and are settled in. Today’s just a travel and relaxation day. …and, as everyone knows, it’s Father’s Day. 
It’s always a hard day but as the years go by, they seem to get harder because every year I know even MORE about my Dad. We’re stopping at the Veteran’s Cemetery in Riverside to bring some boquets and American flags for both my Daddy’s grave and my Grandpa Ed’s site, which is right next to my Dad’s. It’ll be hard as hell, but it’s something I NEED to do. That place (the cemetery) is so beautiful and I have such an immense amount of pride when I go there. Not just anyone can be burried there and it’s very…honoring and moving, that MY DAD, a hero, is there amongst the other brave men and women who have served our country. When I see Marines in uniform walking around in the office, I just think to myself, “Wow. My Dad was a Marine, too”. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I smile. But it’s a beautiful sadness, if that makes sense.
I gotta get my heiny in gear and get dressed! We’re aiming to head out by noon. …Looks like it might be a few minutes after, haha. I’ll be back either on Tuesday or Wednesday. We’ll see! Everyone have a good Father’s Day and be sure to tell your Dad how much he means to you. Have a great week loves! Ciao tutti! baci ; xoxo!
23
Wiggle your Toes day
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Yesterday morning I was having breakfast with Christopher and noticed through my blurred vision that today was “Wiggle you Toes day.” I said as much and he informed me that at that very moment he was wiggling his toes. Now it is your turn.
I looked up the holiday and didn’t find much in the lines of how to celebrate except to free the toes and wiggle away. I also will add that to celebrate your lowest digits you could to toe maintenance of the pedicure variety but don’t wiggle while painting. Alternately recycle all the shoes that squoosh the piggies or play this little piggy with a willing partner.
Any other ideas?
26
We are rather excited about our plans to spend December in New Zealand…
We have an extra long Winter Holiday because of the way Ramadan and Eid fall this year, so it seemed like the perfect time to go. Yes, we are supposed to be saving up but we may never have four weeks off in December again, and I really want to see New Zealand in the summer. Also, according to several NZers who live here, we got bargainous tickets. Plus, as an added bonus, on the way out we are squeezing in a visit to Vicky in Bangkok so we can meet her baby who will be about two months old by then.
Once in New Zealand, the plan is to see relatives near Auckland (both Steve and I have NZ relatives), then tour southwards to Nelson where Paul and Lisa now live. We’ll also get down to see Steve’s friend, Stuart, and his family in Christchurch.
We have already grilled our Kiwi friends about where to go and what to see and everything sounds amazing. If you have been there and have any must-sees then let us know.
31
Bad Poetry Day
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Happy Bad Poetry Day! To celebrate I am inviting you all to share some bad poetry in the comments.
I think there is a lot of bad poetry out there. You can probably go find some. Or it might be quicker to just write some yourself.
Make it really really awful; it will make me very happy